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Mouth-Off
Mouth-Off

Episode 9 · 1 year ago

Mouth-Off Episode 7: Dead in my head

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

This week on Mouth-Off, I interviewed queer Welsh musician, songwriter, producer, author, and blogger Corporate Christ - aka Simon Lewis. We had a very open chat about his life, work and musical influences. We also discussed issues that have affected Simon on a personal level, such as growing up as a gay man in the Welsh valleys, his battle with Schizophrenia, substance abuse and mental illness, and the loss of an ex lover to suicide.

NB - some of the music extracts contain explicit language.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Theme music: Intro and Outro by Clary Saddler

Featuring:

Dead in my Head - written and performed by Corporate Christ

Your Way Stings - written and performed by Corporate Christ

Emancipation - written and performed by Corporate Christ

The Holy Shows - written and performed by Corporate Christ

Palestine - written and performed by Corporate Christ

The Note - written and performed by Corporate Christ

Face of the Glamour - written and performed by Corporate Christ

Adam Kadmon (instrumental version) - written and performed by Corporate Christ

With You (Ghost the Musical) - written by Dave Stewart and Glen Ballard and performed by Olivia Lynn

Man Fork is a podcast for marginalizedgroups to discuss issues effect in them in a safe space is pout to you byforget me, not productions, and my name is clary Sadler each podcast till hereempowering interviews live about or for marginalized groups. This week will betalking to Simon Lewis for Corporate Christ is his professionally known.Simon is a gay singer. Songwriter musician producer, orter and Blagahailing from the Welsh valleys, Simon form, called the price in two thousandand eleven taking the name from the almost religious dogma surroundinghabitans and the hypocrisy of the money making nature of religion on socialmedia. Simon use, T tag, mine money is your religion. Religion only wants yourmoney in reference to this. His music often addresses difficult topics thataffected him on a personal level, such as growing up as a gay man in the WelshValleys, his baffle with schizophrenia, drug addiction and mental illness andthe loss of an ex lover to suicide, among others. He sites such musicalinfluences as Mameli Manson and nine inch nails a...

...thanks for coming on the show. So yougot a pretty impressive range of skills there. So tell me: How would youdescribe yourself in a net show weird? I think I really wanted to use myexperiences like how, in the past to El Maters, I mean it's been kind ofchallenging over the years, and I feel that I would want to do that. No, I describe Mouat podcast as a platformfor marginalized groups to get their messages heard, but I know we godmarginalize has many connotations. So do you think that that label replace tomore on a personal level or a professional level or those two thingssort of synonymous with each other? For you, I think over time I became theCAMERATA cover rights. Those lives became blue. It was a character. Idreamt I some my thought I wanted to be and the those lines became blared overtime. Like a so I kind of felt like I was leaving my past behind and wanted to moveforward to the future.

Lethaean that you Ayayay can something an,...

...and you know I I I I A Y Y, a a a t, macis growing and even now I think,a lot of people. Don't Tak you that seriously. I feel feel that I'm growingas a person growing into my music and I grow going into some that I would liketo be okay. So, following on from that question, do you have a mean message ora main sort of ethos as corporate Christ that you kind of put out there?I think I would like to let people know that, no matter how dark things get andthink it have got dark, there is a light. There is a light at the end ofthat and it's about discovering who you do are and who you want to be kind of alot of this, but other people, it's about you know relating to swythepeople and how you want to make their lives better. So yeah, I woulddefinitely see, is an element of rebirth and wanting to become theperson you always with your debut album.

The pornographer addresses yourdifficult past growing up as a gay boy in Abercarn, which is a small balestown, you cud sort of say that homosexuality, I mean I'm not sureabout these days, but certainly when we were growing it yeah, I wasn't itwidely accepted. Would you have called yourself the only gay in the village don't feel that the experiences you hadgrowing up, where you did impacted on your mental health at all definitelyimpaction my mental health. I wouldn't say that I was the only gay in thevillage. I was certainly the most of noxious world. I hike up the aimpression growing up. People thought that I should just sit in the cornerrequires and know my place, and I wasn't willing to do that. I thoughtnow you know. Even if you don't like me, I, like me, I put on a fair coach in sing glasses andmincing around a little village were not the best way to make friends. It'ssomething that I felt was important for me and I hope that people young or mefells more in. I would growing up that they could also be themselves and nothave to worry about fitting in and being in the corner, Durin silence, youknow, yeah. Definitely we went to college together at the same time,crossings college and in a O it was a fun time. Interestingly, the onlybecause you think the year below me and the only people I can remember fromthat year is yourself and Gavin Yeah you, I still top a cabin here. You knowembracing, like you say you gain, is and who you are. It was certainly anawakening time for me, I mean got into college and suddenly I was like okay,you gay. Nobody really cares. It was AH yeah, okay, we're fine with that, andthat was really releasing for me. I was just kind of wow. You know I cancompletely explore my sexuality and me as a person and not have to worry aboutpeople, bullying me and being hateful and things so that was certainly aninteresting sat for me. So the album the pornographer talks about otherissues as well that you faced so mental...

...health issues, specifically yeah. Sowhen did you first notice, symptoms of Chispa and other issues that you had?was that growing up or no later in life? And did you have insight at the time?Do you think as to what was happening a as symptoms appeared during myteenagers in school, but I didn't...

...really recognize them with simples ofthat that some very interesting housin and things growing up, I think, whereyou came to crops was kind of. I was seventeen just after I finished college and the Cente became more manifest. I guess,and certainly pits of the the people around me at the time were very understands in stead up, I isolated and no more the pornographic, a kind of formsin that era. In my mind, this idea of being a bide and be in behind thecamera of a pologround else is having filling your kind of stuff behind thecamera just observe and really- and I became more of a thing years later,when I was admitted to a psychotic postal for five years and all I can do really was go out intothe garden of the hospital on my motor phone and just see all my friends inPardi having a great time. You know, and I was just kind of taking a backseat on there. I guess yes, so it was very much about Voyais of having men tohealth problems. So as far as I I took many years before, I had insideprobably going to the mental health hospital. You know I really had to lookat myself and we realized that there were issues youknow, and these things were normal and I had to address all that, and I was iftalking again about the pornographer on the website corporate Christ website.You describe it as a concept album. I mean you've spoken a Lina about that.So can you tell us a bit more about the concept and how it's evolved? It wascertainly a D Erigina life, as I said that that Viris m there was- I mean thesongs- are quite dark in context. They describe bleakness and desperation. Idon't know that that was basically the...

...concept and how it came about. I feelthose des I've Dope my dark ages and I'm moving in more to a Renesse, Hera,yeah think things seem to be rebirthing. For me, I feel like I'm becoming Y alseof them happier more level headed. Is I mean I'm just feeling good about life? I Ithink the that's a gals switch in my life, see exactly just going in for theRENANS. The way that I thought you mentioned a little bit about your timein the psychiatric hospital. I think I remember actually visiting you therefor the mutual friend of ours yeah. I think we took you for a drive. We maybewent to star books for a couple. Cainist we've been in touch from socialmedia as you do, but I haven't seen you in quite a few years. I remember beingstruck by your positive outlook. You know you said yourself, you have toface your demons e H, your darkness, but you took on a ship of it and youseemed to be acknowledging that these these issues were there, but theywouldn't define you anymore. No. What do you think it was that flipped thatswitch for you that realization I mean? Was it the treatment? Was it justsomething? You praise o a...

...t, t t t t t t t t h going to the psychiatric hospital. Isat down within the first two days. I had my head in my hands and I justthought something is wrong. So tis not right because for years I just thoughtthat the things gone on on my head, a true, an there's, no reason not tobelieve yourself as they have vibices and hallucinations I just for well.This is reality. I realized when my going to hospital things are not right,something's wrong. It was a healing process. Over several years, though Ijust kind of got back in touch with what most people consider reality. Imean that's a kind of thing in it itself in o. What is reality, but I gotmore in tune with myself Matrosa and...

...what had of people is rees reality, andI felt really empowered by that actually so yeah it was a difficulttime in the hospital, but in many ways it very much got me to where I enteredA. I know I have to be thankful for that. Thinking about music legends havedays gone by that it sort of gone on record, saying anything like JimMorrison of the doors you know their creativity was a result of the free andeasy life abusing drags and alcohol. Without it would they have been socreative. Your creativity seems to have been ignited by, like you say you stayin the hospital you mental illness, to a degree. Would you say the musicbecame an outlet for those demons or darkness, as you call it, or was it thedark days that inspired the music that you write today but say it was both Imean right in is radicate. I mean I like to express different elements ofmyself in so percerin. I can't pretend the things I went through didn'tinspire. I do as I I would say that writing is certainly opatic and get sothat it all the things that I've got in my hairs, an my heart. It's a release,it's a real release for me. So this being a marginalized musician, defineyou or do you think that the unique sound of corporate Christ would be thesame at least like sonic, be rather than liberally if your life had beenall sunshine and roses? Oh, I don't think I'd have liked themusic that I grew up with a inspite me if I hadn't felt as depressed as I doso, the heavy metal in my teens and the dance music I discovered when I wasplaying in the late years to meet lots of friends on the LGBT US. So it's alittle bit of pose. I think yeah. Those things definitely play a part, but I like to think thatI'm moving into...

...different years in my life, an he slike a king, you mind in a e your and on...

...you will be me I I yea. So if you could go back andspeak to your youngest self, what would you say I give myself the reassurance? Nobodyelse is to be honest. Nobody ever in my life as sat me downand made me feel, like I'm, surely valued. I had to find that for myself. I I was made me a lot stronger. In theend, it would have been nice as a teenager. If somebody had sat me downand said, you're, okay, you, a nice person, the healing power of the arts isundeniable. You've spoken about it to degree with your music in two thousandand seventeen, you released a synthpop p called Adam cabman when the heart inplose it documents the days and nights following the suicide of your exboyfriend. It was the writing a making of the EP therapeutic few also, or didit kind of stir up those oldstone left...

...it hot? I want to rise, or from an still, I have to read yourhat co Crownlike, the death of a t stufato. I know because I I you said you sorrythat I don't think that you were sorry and I don't think you brought me to myknees, because I me the state stuff and eats like the death of a day star. Asyou learn who you are, I don't I don't like a a knoain think, it's God a demons. Ithink he was definitely so posin for me...

...and even though the he is sometimesangry in places. I think that Fred would have appreciated the honesty andhe was very much about honesty. Sometimes it well with the things hesaid, but I never felt that way about a guy before, and I don't think myfriends really understood how in love I was with in because to them they justsort problems. Is a this beautiful call, beautiful soul and just for theselayers of difficulty and depression yeah, I wouldsay that it was therapeutic and the reference to the house in plose kind ofwas a reference to a star in Plotin before it goes soupen over and he kindof badness like tells a shock of finds in his body. I mean it was a reallydifficult thing to go through, but I left him in a way es e. So but...

...this world wasn't for him and I kind ofhad to accept that yeah we talked earlier about to lock down life and slightly becoming a little bit more ofTearin towards alcoholism and other ailments that probably aren't great foreating a ten load of chocolate by the day. Chocolate and Chris is my Dorio-is the current pandemic effect in your mental health and well being in generaland physical health actually as well, because I know you've had a fewphysical issues also follow you, you release from psychiatric Ospital Yeah,I mean. How is that now, and I guess what advice would you give anyonelistening? I might feel their sanity is beingpushed very close to the edge as a result of the for the lock down like eremathe physical issues, you referenceafter his release from the psychotic...

...cost. So within months I was beingrushed to hospital with all disease altera crisis. Basically, everythingjust falling out to you, but I won't quite en to that to as that kind offlares, that every now and again and over the last couple of years, I've hada player of were, I just feel it so Tis and drained sometimes pain in my stile.But as far as the love down in general, I've not been that bad havin. Like myown company, the first two weeks, I think I was drinking a bit too much,but not that on the head, because yeah nobody wants to be a full blownalcoholic but I've comed for there quite a well.I know things to eating up of there. It's nice to see friends which does notable to see family because they live too far away and certainly enjoyingmeeting up with friends in the park and things. Although today's weather's beenBeerin, we've had funderstorm here. So if you hear the old, Papa tenders O mystomach well, thank you. Simon has been greatand thanks for time and for giving such an open and honest interview reallyappreciate it as a pleasure to to...

...brilliant, and we can find you onSocial Media Christ. I'm on Yeah Cope Christ on Facebook, O instruman. Thewebsite is called O Christ, O Kota UK. You can download my music for free andget some free, but SPURNE. Yes, I'm working on a pupe project inthe moment so hopefully they'll be, is fantastic, join this next time on mouthbar as we intervene. Fourteen year old, Singer, Olivia Lynn and her mom Harry this Morn. They open up about Olivias experiencesof Sabbion on social media platforms such as tick, Tock and instagram. Hecould never understand why he got goole. You know she was always a good student.She was always kind and pleasant to you know her peers, as well as her teachers,be helpful to her peace as well as her teachers. The only thing we could everreally put it down to was Jenison a.

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